I wore high heals today! I felt so sexy and normal again. They are only about an inch high. It felt very comfortable wearing them. By the end of the day I found myself in the mall purchasing a new pair of flat shoes. As I glanced past all the sexy super high heals, I drooled. I was just happy that both my feet fit into an old pair of shoes comfortably and I walked well.
I love wearing high heals. I know they are supposedly bad for you. Why is it, I feel more comfortable in them? I have always worn them and have grown comfortable in them. Flat shoes are ugly. They do not complete an outfit like heals do. I reluctantly purchased a pair of flat “old lady” plain shoes. That is what I prefer to call the flat shoes because that is what comes to mind when I see them on my feet.
At least the flat shoes are comfortable. For now.
I still have not purchased a new pair of running shoes. I am procrastinating. However, I did a slow, very slow run, the other day when I was walking my dog. It was not even a quarter of a mile, but I did it. My problem is trying to contain myself and not burst out into a full-fledged long run. My heart craves this so…
I could not help myself and I think it is time to start my routine of walk and run to race. After seeing all the Tuesday runners downtown from the run club and after eating a half a bag of chips in the office, I felt fat and had a lot of energy.So that night, on our daily walk, ( which will soon be a daily run once again) I did a slow jog. I am supposed to jump, forward and backward and in place, so I mixed in some curb jumps along the way. I also threw in some lunges on the incline of the street. It felt wonderful. My balance was good. I felt strong.
I was surprised at how much the jog did not hurt. In fact, I felt tightness in both my Achilles tendons, but nothing hurt in my ankle. I also did not experience swelling on the top part of my foot. I think I am ready to pull out the tread mill. My fear is that I am jumping the gun and that I will hurt myself which will then delay my goal of running full throttle by the end of the summer.
Another thing I noticed that is odd is that my hips are doing strange things. My uninjured leg and hip get cramps. The other hip , on the injured side, has had these muscle spasms, like a charlie horse, but deep inside the hip. I never thought I would even feel those muscles randomly. The other day I was standing and a huge charlie horse, deep inside my hip, grabbed hold of me. This happened while I was having a conversation with a staff member at my son’s school. It took my breath away. I was embarrassed because I had to stop talking mid sentence, it hurt that much!
This occurred before I did my little test jog. Could this be the result of not attending the gym in a week and a half? As I have been to unmotivated to go and have in a sense, have given up. I know I am not over working these muscles at the gym, that is for sure. Perhaps the muscles miss the gym. Or, it could be swimming, I have been swimming. I am not sure.
I am afraid to start running. No one can give me the go, as I think the Doctor and the PT are afraid to tell me because either they are fearful of getting sued or they just do not know. If my PT is telling me to do jumps, then why can’t I run? I suppose my body will tell me if it is not time yet. It occurred to me that the slow jog came easier than walking!!
My short little slow jog did not result in massive pain or limping afterwords. I have experienced worse pain from wearing flat dress shoes then I had from the jog and the lunges. My balance is good, although at times I still falter unexpectedly. I do not know if once I begin to work toward my long runs if the ligaments will loosen and my ankle will roll again. That in a nutshell is my fear. The rolling and a possible repeat of a chipped bone and another surgery , this actually terrifies me. I will do what ever I can to prevent this from happening and to continue to do what I love. If it ever came down to it, I would have to give up running and suffer the rest of my life, because I will not allow myself to willingly go into surgery again.
I think for now, I will start slow. I will somehow find the motivation to get back in the gym routine and swim more. I will pull out my dusty treadmill that is folded and stuffed in my closet, and I will start with fast walks and light jogs. I will continue with my hip exercises, leg lifts, toe points, calf stretches and street lunges. It is a beginning, once again.
I have come a long way. I am amazed at how far I have come psychically in just three months. Mentally, I am not so sure how well I am. Not long ago I was popping morphine pills and could not walk. Today, I do not even take Advil. If only I could stop being so impatient and hard on myself, I could get through this stagnant part of the healing process.