This “In between time” hurts.

“It’s a hill. Get over it.”

Life is catching up to me. Still having to walk slow. It troubles me because I am late for everything these days. I can not just say I am going to run into a store and grab something real quick. It doesn’t happen quickly for me. I can’t walk to fast. I am at a point where I am tired, and need some outside motivation. Outside of my son and my dog  and family connections on face book, there is not much.

Paisano has been a great motivator, in addition to my son. We have walked daily for an entire week. This injury has helped him slow down too. When he starts to go too fast, I make him sit and wait. This is also helping re-train him when we see other dogs passing. It is good training for us both.

I suppose this time in between, the healing time, the “in between” time, is the hardest part for me. I am not healed, but I no longer am a total cripple, I’m just stuck in between. I think too much in the “in between” and feel a bit more vulnerable.  I see races coming up in the area and I take note of them because I like them. I am hoping by April I will be able to enter some kind of fun run 5k to feel better. That is a goal to ponder. I think by April, I will be running, not at 100% but I will be running.

I began yoga. It feels good to stretch. I am ever so grateful for Epsom salt baths. I do many more physical therapy exercises, each week I am given more to add on to the already challenging routine. That is ok, I wont quit. I can handle the sore muscles, in fact, I miss the feeling!

There are many hills I must get over. Like the fact that I have to actually REMEMBER that I am injured and I must take it easy. Tonight something happened that fueled my fire and made me forget I have pain completely.

An adrenaline fueled anger that made me  entirely  forget I was hurt. Nothing can slow me down especially when my child is in danger. I am sore, very sore, because I ran tonight,  in a gym, an auditorium filled with 4th and 5th graders.

My son had his school district concert tonight. All the 4th and 5th graders from the whole district gathered into the Mitchell HS auditorium. Hundreds of parents and kids swarmed the place. I found a seat, way to far away and was not comfortable with it. Just a feeling I had. I never ignore my hunches, ever.  So I got up to move, hopping up and down the bleachers  was quite difficult, but I made it to the other side of the auditorium with success. I wanted to sit near my child, and saw an open seat. There was a man standing near it and I asked him if this was his seat and he stared at me as if I were stupid.

So I said to him, “Well, I guess it is your seat then.” and he made this smirk and said,” yeah.. yeah it is”. Then his smirk quickly disappeared as he rolled his blue, tired eyes.

So I replied,  as a smiled, ” Oh that’s ok, just be happy!”.,and I gave him my biggest smile and I lightly touched his arm.

He barked angrily, “There is nothing to be happy about, no one is happy.”

I said, “Oh come on, you have a tye dye shirt on, you have some happiness somewhere in there,  try to be happy.” and  I hobbled forward thinking to myself that he must have taken some bad acid in his day.

I managed to get further away from my child and still did not feel comfortable with it. That instinct was sharp tonight. So I turned to start hopping back and I hear a scream. In an auditorium full of 100 or more children and 100 or more parents, my eyes filtered through the mass and targeted my son and I acted. I ran with out a second thought.

The tye dye shirt guy was throwing fists with someone who took his seat!! In a moments time, fear gripped me and I froze for a split second to take in what was actually happening as he knocked over the cellos and they flew, he then fell onto a little boy in the bleachers,  and they were fighting and falling toward Cameron. The look on Cameron’s  face was pure fear as he stood frozen , holding his little violin and bow, not knowing what to do. At that point, I think I flew through the air.

People were just clearing a hole and that was it, no one was able to get to the kids near the fight.  I ran to go jump on this assholes back and rip his eyeballs out. I seriously wanted to do that. My foot? Forgot all about it.  Thank god I didn’t jump on his back because he never did touch my kid, yep he is lucky.

I actually ran, more like sprinted,  to Cameron, and the relief flowed once I took his arm and stood to protect him.I have never seen that look  in his eyes and I believe he has never seen the look on my face, a combination of adrenaline driven  fear and anger all at once.  I pulled him and a few other kids back and protected them while looking for a weapon, a chair? A music book stand? That was all that was at my disposal. The tye dye shirt guy was fighting while now two other men where holding him back, away from the kids. I stood in front of my son and held his arm, these idiots were almost arm length away. Throwing punches, at a school event!!! I was so angry, all those kids, and this guy could not contain himself?

Then in a sweep he was gone. The concert played on. After the concert was a different story. The ride home was filled with questions.” Why did he do that Mom, I was afraid Mom. I was glad you were near me Mom. I heard them saying the F word and a bunch of other swear words Mom.” The questions stopped and the tears flowed. My son has never seen two men fight with cellos flying and at arm’s length!!   I have to admit, I never have seen grown men fighting at an elementary school event and cellos flying left and right either. I am still pissed off and it makes me want to move to an island with a population of  four.

I ran. In fact, I sprinted and I forgot all about my pain. At least I know if I have to escape a fire I can. I think adrenaline helps with those things, as it did tonight.  This entire week has convinced me that we need a modern day John Lennon. I can not get the song “Let it Be” out of my head, as it soothes me, I also have a deep confusion as to how our society has grown so angry and hateful, to have to act like animals in front of impressionable 9 and 10 year old children. That is enough to make anyone want to run, run far away.


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